


When the Deviancy Hits

by Rhinozilla



Series: Detroit 07 [18]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Developing Friendships, Gen, Humor, Poor Connor, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Teasing, beware the old memes, i made myself laugh on this one, not even sorry, they be out here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 10:17:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19851079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhinozilla/pseuds/Rhinozilla
Summary: Everybody at the precinct is working late and getting punchy. As a distraction, Tina starts sharing youtube videos that people on the street have taken of Connor at crime scenes. They range from funny to badass moments, and though Connor is clearly not enjoying the attention, they all needed this little break tonight. Let it never be said that humans were not absolute trolls.





	When the Deviancy Hits

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from RosyUnicorn: "Can you make one where people take videos of Connor and put them on youtube about how badass he is and how much of a cinnamon roll he is?
> 
> Can you include this quote?  
> (Tina:) "OMG Connor is such a cinnamon roll!"  
> (Connor:) "What do you mean 'cinnamon roll'? I'm not a food item?"  
> (Hank:) "Save his soul! He is too pure!"  
> (Connor:) "But, I'm not in any danger???"  
> \--  
> A/N: This was surprisingly difficult to figure out how to write it, but I like a challenge. Trying to write visual humor like this is hard, so I'm sorry if it came out super lame. I did my best. Please be gentle.
> 
> Also, spoilers for the first chapter of my fic "Protect and Serve."

1 am was not an hour that should be spent conscious, Hank had decided. The only thing worse than being conscious at 1 am was being at work at 1 am. The deadline on one of Gavin’s homicide cases had locked up the entire precinct in an all nighter, and they were all starting to get a little punchy.

For instance, 1 am, as it turned out, was the perfect time for Tina to discover a new Youtube channel that specialized in compilation videos of androids having human reactions to things. In particular, the channel, called When the Deviancy Hits, had an entire playlist that specialized in footage captured of one RK800 Connor Model 313-248-317-51.

Across the bullpen, Tina cackled loudly, tears leaking out of her eyes as she watched what had to be the hundredth video of the night.

“Christ, Chen, whatever it is can’t be that funny,” Hank sniped, the hour making him cranky.

“Yes, it is!” Tina squeaked. “They synced him up to an old Phil Collins song!”

“Wait, what?” Chris snapped out of his doze at his desk, getting up. “Let me see that one.”

At his workstation, Connor loudly cleared his throat and glared at them. “We are still on the clock. I don’t think police time should be spent—“

 _“But I know the reason why you keep your silence up, oh no you don't fool me…”_ Phil Collins sang from the speakers on Tina’s computer.

Hank looked over despite himself, and Tina whipped her monitor around to show everyone. The cellphone footage was of Connor chasing a perp across a snowy park. They were both heading straight for the frozen pond, but the perp wasn’t slowing, so neither was Connor. They both made it a good five feet out onto the solid ice before Connor wobbled. The perp wiped out entirely, face planting on the ground.

_“Well the hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows…It’s no stranger to you and me…”_

Somehow, in perfect time with the drum beats, Connor lost his balance and his feet started flailing for purchase on the slick surface. His arms pinwheeled, and as the bass dropped, he fell to his ass on the ice. The video went to freeze frame there, but the song continued.

_“I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord…”_

Tina lost her entire shit, and Hank had to shove his fist against his teeth to keep himself from laughing. It helped that Connor was staring holes into the side of his head.

“No, no, no, no.” Wilson swept into view, holding his phone with a video already loaded. “You haven’t seen this one. Check it out.”

Connor looked at Wilson in betrayal, but Wilson shamelessly held the screen up in clear view.

This video was from a webcam of a teenaged boy who had set up his laptop to work in a coffee shop. The footage had been cropped and zoomed into the top left quarter of the screen, so only the teen’s shoulder and the side of his head were visible. Instead, the whole image was of the sidewalk through the large glass windows of the coffee top. Civilians were standing around or shuffling backward away from the sidewalk, all looking in the same direction: indicating that whatever they were watching offscreen was very quickly going to be onscreen. The audio was just the white noise of any coffee shop: idle chatter and the sound of chairs moving.

Sure enough, a suspect in a dark hoodie sprinted onto the sidewalk. He skidded to a stop, almost cartoonishly looking side to side for the best escape route. Before he could make a decision, though, here came Connor, seemingly out of thin air, doing a flying tackle to take the perp to the ground.

The audio abruptly cut out and a sound bite screamed through.

_“JOHHHN CENAAAA!”_

Hank did laugh then, kicking back in his chair and looking apologetically over to Connor, who was sitting more slouched in his seat than before.

“Oh, c’mon, Connor. This is harmless. And it’s kinda free publicity,” Hank pointed out.

“It’s humiliating,” Connor seethed. “It’s difficult enough to be taken seriously as an android police detective without…without that!”

Person materialized between Tina and Chris, so smoothly that the other two officers startled slightly when she spoke. “You should watch this one then. It’s not funny at all. It’s bad ASS.”

“Ooh, gimme.” Tina transferred the video link to her monitor for better resolution.

This video was grainy security footage of a convenience store, currently being robbed by two women in Spiderman masks. One was emptying the register, while the other held the two staff workers at gunpoint. Connor had entered the scene, hands raised, in full negotiator mode. Spiderman with the gun wasn’t interested in bargaining, and she fired once across the store at him.

The spray that burst from Connor’s arm and sprinkled the floor was grey in the black and white footage, but Hank knew it was blue. He grimaced, even as Connor advanced toward the shooter. The camera angle changed, this time to a camera over the shooter’s head, showing Connor marching toward her.

She fired again, and a dark circle appeared in Connor’s shoulder. He jerked with the impact but continued toward her. Another shot, this one to the gut, and he kept coming. Another shot, lodging in his jaw, made him stagger but he made it the last few feet, grabbing Spiderman’s wrist and bending it to the side so quickly that she lost her grip on the weapon.

He caught the gun before it hit the floor, raising it to aim at the robber behind the register, while his other arm blindly twisted the first criminal’s arm behind her back, forcing her to her knees on the floor.

Lights flashed through the windows of the store, and more armed police swarmed into the scene.

Wilson let out a low whistle, and Chris whispered a low “daaamn.”

Yeah, Hank scowled a bit, that had been badass. It hadn’t been quite so badass when Connor had had to get those bullets removed later. It had taken a full week for the bruises on Hank’s arms to fade from where Connor had held onto him in pain during the procedure.

“Terminator.” Tina pointed at Connor, sitting at his desk. “That’s why you’re the Terminator.”

Connor looked a little less put out than he had with the videos making fun of him, and he spared Person a glance. She gave a little nod and seemed to vanish as quickly as she’d appeared.

Hank turned a bit in his chair, but she was just GONE.

“Okay, do you just know how to summon her or something?” Hank asked him. “The fuck did she go?”

“Hey, here’s one with commentary!” Chris broke in, reaching past Tina and clicking on another video in the recommended listing on her screen.

 _“Oh my gaaaaawd. It’s him! That one, that one right—“_ A girl was saying in a high pitched voice.

Another girl’s voice, closer, so probably the one filming, spoke in. _“Where? The one on the left?”_

The cellphone footage was sweeping back and forth, trying to find a gap in the crowd where the two girls were outside of a roped off crime scene.

_“No, not the…The one with the LED, Beth, GOD.”_

_“I can’t see that from here!”_

The whole video was just of a group of officers standing outside the roped off building. Hank could make out himself, Connor, Ben and Gavin talking near the side of the structure. The woman filming was zooming in and out, trying to make her camera focus.

Wait, he remembered that crime scene…

One of the K9 handlers exited the building with the sniffer dog, moving over to the other detectives. While the other three spoke with her, Connor immediately tuned out, kneeling down and petting the large German Shepherd.

 _“Oh no, he’s adorable!”_ the woman who wasn’t filming commented. _“Look, he’s petting the dog! What a cinnamon roll!”_

Tina clutched her chest, putting the back of her hand to her forehead and looking over at Connor, batting her eyes. “Omg, Connor is such a cinnamon roll!”

At his desk, if Connor slumped any further, he’d have been sitting on the floor. He managed to growl over at her. “What do you mean ‘cinnamon roll’? I’m not a food item.”

“Yeah, well this girl thinks you’re a snack!” Tina smacked the side of her monitor with a giggle.

The filmer, Beth, was having a hard time concentrating. The video kept slipping to the right, nearly cutting Connor and the dog out of frame.

_“Uh huh, yeah, I see him.”_

_“Christ, and he’s tall…I could climb him like a tree…a pretty, robot tree…”_

Tina howled, clapping her hands in glee. Connor was back to slouching in his seat. Hank snickered and got a death glare for it. Connor’s sour reaction only fueled the fire, and Hank mimicked Tina’s fainting gesture.

“Save his soul. He is too pure!” he crooned.

Connor scowled, “But I’m not in any danger?”

On the video, Beth, it seemed, was more interested in filming Reed. Well…parts of him.

“Whoa!” Chris leaned away from the monitor with a grimace. “Why did she zoom in so close?”

“Beth, keep it in your pants,” Tina laughed, already looking for another video.

“Who’s Beth?” Speak of the Devil, and Gavin would appear.

Hank paused, watching as Gavin walked up to find a group of fellow cops all watching a video that was violently zoomed in on his profile, pointedly at his ass.

“Whaaaat are you watching?” Gavin asked slowly, looking at Tina.

“When the Deviancy Hits,” Tina chirped, clicking on another video.

“Christ.” Gavin rolled his eyes, going to his desk away from the others. “That channel’s shit.”

Tina pointed to the clear shot of Gavin still centered in the frame. “Clearly.”

Hank discretely tugged out his phone, opening the video site and finding the channel. He flipped through several of the videos on the playlist before finding one that might help Connor’s mood a bit about the whole thing. While the other cops were yammering, he transmitted the link from his phone to Tina’s monitor. The screen flashed and updated to show the new video.

“Hey—“ Tina balked, noticing the change first.

The video was color security footage from a camera mounted on the outside of a building, overlooking a crowded intersection. People were running from the street, where two vehicles had collided. One was turned sideways, having been t-boned by the oncoming squad car, which was gushing black smoke from the crumpled hood.

“Shit,” Chris softly swore, recognizing the scene.

A second squad car skidded onscreen, stopping a safe distance from the crash. Hank was jumping out of the driver’s side, gesturing for civilians to vacate the space. Connor was a blur flying out of the passenger side, rushing toward the wrecked car.

The other officers in the bullpen quieted a bit, their mirth curtailed by the very real thing that had happened just recently.

On the video, Connor had reached the passenger side, pausing for a moment before bolting around the back of the car to the driver’s seat. Fire was beginning to flicker in with the smoke over the car hood. He was grappling with the jammed driver’s side door, visibly straining to force it open. Hank started jogging over to help.

With an almost audible crack on the silent video, the car door was wrenched open, hyperextending in such a way that Connor actually tore the whole thing off its hinges. He dropped the amputated door and was immediately reaching into the car. By the time Hank reached him, he was hauling out the driver, Gavin, who was only sort of conscious and fighting him the whole way. Hank relieved him of Gavin’s uncooperative dead weight, and Connor was running back to the other side of the car. He quickly dispatched with that door as well, this time not bothering to try and merely assist the passenger. He completely hefted Chris over his shoulder and sprinted from the flaming car, carrying the other officer across the street to safety, where Hank had dumped Gavin.

The lack of audio gave the video a heavy feel, and the footage faded to black as the ambulance and fire engine rolled onto the scene. Their dumb faces all reflected back at them.

“Fuckin’…” Tina sat back in her seat with a huff. “Hank, why? We were just having fun, and you throat-punch us in the feelings like that?”

Hank spread his arms out in a gesture of come-at-me-bro and raised his eyebrows.

“Y’know.” Gavin hadn’t even looked up from his own phone at his desk, apart from the others. “There’s a whole playlist of just all those androids at that theme park…Jerrys?...discovering bubblewrap.”

“Are there at least four hours of that?” Chris quickly grabbed onto the change of topic. “Because I could use at least four hours of that.”

“But FIRST!” Tina recovered, dramatically clicking on another video. “A palette cleanser after that dose of too much realness. Behold…”

The video was just dash cam footage overlooking the yard outside of a crime scene. Connor wasn’t doing anything, just idly standing on the other side of the police tape. His coin was in his hand, but he was absently turning it over in his palm, nothing fancy.

Abruptly, the video sped up, and the plinky, plunky tune of the Tequila song filtered in. Sped up, the video drew attention to the way that Connor would slightly shift his weight from one foot to the other every so often. Unnoticeable in real time, but sped up, it looked like he was violently swaying back and forth, almost dance-like. Other police were moving about quickly, processing the scene, but for whatever reason that day, Hank couldn’t remember, Connor hadn’t really been an active part of that investigation.

The song bounced along, building up to the short, one-word climax. Just before it hit, the video slowed back to normal and zoomed in tightly on Connor’s face, just as Ben had walked out and addressed him. Whatever Connor said in return, his lips’ movement lined up perfectly with…

_“Tequila.”_

The cops snickered a bit at the video. Connor even smirked a little at it.

“See?” Hank teased lightly. “Harmless.”

Before that video could end, another was being pulled up, this one was someone filming a living room television showing a news reporter already midway through an interview with Connor and Hank. The video was only a handful of seconds long, what was even the point?

Connor was speaking, awkwardly leaning away from the microphone shoved in his face. _“All that we have to go on so far is that both victims were roommates—“_

The person filming cut sharply away from the television to a man sitting in a chair in front of the screen, watching with a perfectly deadpan expression.

_“Oh my god, they were roommates.”_

“For the LOVE OF GOD, PEOPLE!” Fowler’s voice boomed from the doorway of his office. “You are not getting paid to watch youtube videos! Case, now! Or in twelve hours that jackwagon walks!”

The officers scattered like scolded children. Hank merely turned his chair back toward his desk.

1 am pressed in tired and irritable around them, now that the entertainment had dried up.

Ever so slowly, Connor’s posture straightened as he got over his cranky mood, loosening up a little as they all got focused back on the case at hand.

If any of them heard the faint sound of the Benny Hill theme over Tina’s speakers ten minutes later when she got distracted again, then this time none of them said anything.

Hank discretely saved the playlist to his favorites on his phone. There were dozens of ridiculous videos of Connor on it. Why the Hell not watch them all later? He had to get some kind of reward for making it through this damn shift.

**Author's Note:**

> With apologies to Phil Collins.


End file.
